Why do we feel we need more?

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One of the most prominent problems in society today is that we feel we need more. If you are a businessman, you need to grow the business. If you are an athlete, you need to win the biggest prize, if you are a student, you have to be the best. This is a result of the hyper-competitive, individualistic, achievement oriented civilization that we have become. There is nothing wrong with that in itself. 


The system has given us great athletes, scientific breakthroughs, wonderful companies that have gone on to make our lives better, medication that has saved lives and world leaders that aspire to work for the greater good. However it has also created a society that is forever looking for the next big thing. The next technique, the next product, the next investment, the next goal, the next prize. For sure this is what human beings and the growth mindset is, but does it really make us happy?


To be happy, we need to convince ourselves that we are great, lovable and worth individuals, simply because we are. We do not have to do something to become great. We do not have to be a great teacher, a great sportsman or a great academic to be considered 'better' or 'worse' human beings. It is this flaw in thinking that sets apart intrinsic motivation from extrinsic motivation. This separates the pull from the push of motivation. When we are pulled towards something, we are happier to pursue something and enjoy the process at the same time. It gives us staying and will power to go through tough times and more importantly, it lets us be our authentic selves. Once we are able to convince ourselves that we are great, as we are, we can start actually living.

One of the most effective ways to do this is to love others. Do not love them because they are great at their job, or because they are successful, well known, popular, good looking. Love them because they are people. This is not hippie talk and I know one cannot love everyone all the time. However, we can love and respect our friends and family. We can make them feel cared for and important not only when we get something or feel they have achieved something, but randomly. One of the worst things one can do to a kid is to reward them for being good at something as they then tie their self worth to it. Many psychologists talk about rewarding kids for the effort however I believe we should reward kids for being good to others for no reason. Values of hard work can be taught in other ways as well such as being an example for them and even though rewards may play a part, one must ensure that kids do not grow up knowing that their self worth is tied to something they should do, or be like.

Simply put, love and respect others, to love yourselves, and simply live a more calm, authentic life.


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