Convincing Ourselves

When one looks at high achievers, it is easy to get impressed. Finance CEOs, Athletes, movie stars, they all seem to lead a life where everything is perfect. One can even look at societies with high incomes and living standards with disproportionate levels of depression and wonder, what's going on. The big difference is that we think we can get happiness out of achievement or any one thing. We tend to think in terms of extremes because the world values achievement more than anything. We tend to tell ourselves “Only if we exercise 1hr a day and eat healthily, I will be happy” “Only if I am making a certain amount, I would be happy ” And so on After a while, we look back and see all the things we missed out on. Our health suffers, our relations suffer and sometimes even the very pursuit of perfection in all areas of life burns us out. The reality is we are not happy by achievement, or health or perfection or even great relationships. We are happy when life is ...

Stress and Anxiety can put us in the extreme state of ‘fight or flight’ which prepares our body for short bursts of high intensity. However, the body undergoes considerable stress and therefore requires a counter state to balance and heal the body and the mind.   According to the book ‘Relaxation Response’ by the Harvard physician Herbert Benson, we can help our body relax and take it into a ‘rest and digest’ state. This helps the body and the mind manage stress. This essentially is the principal of most forms of meditation as well as prayer. One of the simplest ways to initiate a ‘Relaxation Response’ is simply to focus on one's breath for a prolonged period of time. As the mind wanders, one brings it back. For me, I can categorically feel when my body’s relaxation response is triggered. Regularly triggering a relaxation response can help overcome most of the scars caused by day to day stress and therefore help us become happier and more productive. Umair Usman ...

Let us get fit!!! Everyone wants to get fit nowadays. If they are thin, they want to bulk up. If they are fat, they want to slim down. Whatever the issue, no one is really happy with their body. Now I can take the very common 'New Age' concept and say that we should be happy with our body, however sometimes changing our bodies become necessary.I myself was obese and suffered greatly. Many in families had to get heart surgery, because of their lifestyle choices, which included bad eating habits and obesity. However, even when we know that something is bad for us and can actually kill us, we might not change our habits. This is true. Even when smokers known that smoking causes cancer, they know that is long way of and they go for the immediate pleasure and discount the risk. What to do? What to do when you feel you really cannot do anything? your will, your idea of time/delay of pain and pleasure, simply do not let you get through that barrier. The Solution I believe...

One of the most prominent problems in society today is that we feel we need more. If you are a businessman, you need to grow the business. If you are an athlete, you need to win the biggest prize, if you are a student, you have to be the best. This is a result of the hyper-competitive, individualistic, achievement oriented civilization that we have become. There is nothing wrong with that in itself.  The system has given us great athletes, scientific breakthroughs, wonderful companies that have gone on to make our lives better, medication that has saved lives and world leaders that aspire to work for the greater good. However it has also created a society that is forever looking for the next big thing. The next technique, the next product, the next investment, the next goal, the next prize. For sure this is what human beings and the growth mindset is, but does it really make us happy? To be happy, we need to convince ourselves that we are great, lovable and worth indiv...

Why do we enjoy some things and no others? well, there are two reasons. We like to do things that are easy, but not too easy. This depends not only at the task at hand but also to our own ability to do the task. This is why, if we are good at a board game, but its challenging, we get hooked. It is also the same reason why we like to play sports with someone who can challenge us, but is not so much better  than us that we get frustrated. If we are able to convince ourselves that the task at hand is easy, in a challenging sort of way, it will become engaging and to some extent fun as well. We can convince ourselves for this kind of thinking for any task. It can be cleaning the dishes, or even talking a walk. Its fun, because its invigoratingly easy! To repeat, it is not about thinking or hoping that something that is hard becomes automatically easy (if that works for you, good enough) but acknowledging that it is tough, yet fun and challenging. When we say it is ea...

Everything we do starts with a question. How will we get that job? how can we start to get fit? how do I grow my company? There are so many questions we have to deal with regularly and often it seems that we have no answers. This sense of 'not knowing' is a big source of demotivation to get something started in the first place. We get so overwhelmed by the problem, the unknown and the task ahead that we either try to find a short cut, that never works, or we delay our plans further ahead. Days, weeks, months and even years go by before we even take  a step in the right direction. However the reality is that we do know the answers to many questions, problems and issues we face. They might not be perfect solutions, as one cannot always get a perfect answer to everything, but certainly these answers can help us set foot in the right direction. Let us look at common issues one by one. How do I lose weight? the answer to this question is not rocket science and not beyond the...

One of the reason why many flock to therapists, read self help books or go into depression is because they cannot get what they want or life simply did not turn out as they had hoped. They prayed, meditated, wished, kept a positive attitude, yet nothing materialized. Very often, we expect life to be easy and reflect our own mood. However, every now and then we have to remind ourselves and convince ourselves that life is not meant to be easy. Life is pain, struggle and discomfort, punctuated by moments of happiness and euphoria that make it all worthwhile. Life is about great relationships, with people who matter and yourself. Life is constant discomfort, be it tackling your willpower, going to the gym, having a difficult conversation or realizing a bitter truth. This is life and there is no need to run away. We have to convince ourselves that we have the capacity, strength, resources and the power to deal with life in the best way possible. We all have the ability to go through ...

Everyone truly knows the path to money, health and wealth. There is no secret to it. People have known how to achieve these things since the dawn of time, yet the reason why so many people are searching for the answer is that they are searching for the 'easy answer'. Everyone is truly out there looking for the shortcut to success, fame, wealth, fitness, weight goals, achievements etc. There truly are people who  get lucky and there truly are ways that can get you to your goals quicker, however the underlying principle is hard work, patience and a general positive attitude. We have convinced ourselves that there is a short cut and it is somewhere out there. We look for that short cut all our lives, waste years and years looking for it until others, who go through the pain, the hard work and at the same time, have fun, seem to get all the rewards, slowly but surely, beating us to the goal post, over and over again. Let us look into different areas of life separately and see...