Convincing Ourselves

The below discussion was a result of an argument between me and an Indian nationalist on Quora.  This might be considered controversial, however, I feel facts or more important than nationalist feelings and propaganda.  Feel free to leave a comment. In my discussions with many Liberal Indian Nationalists, I have come across a sort of victim mentality and bitter resentment towards the British Raj on the subcontinent. The 'complaints' are of two nature in my experience. The first is that the 'Indian Subcontinent' was looted and it was this money that financed the Industrial Revolution in mainland Britain. The second is that if the British had not 'looted' the subcontinent, it would have been a far more developed and prosperous land. More conservative Indian religious nationalists also make a similar argument against 'the Muslims'. However below I am only going to discuss the claims against the British. To begin with, it is important to understand that when...

  We know high performers, in the field of management, sports, art, academia and other crafts, have to go through a considerable level of daily stressors. In fact, it is often thought that stress and anxiety are inevitable when achieving high-quality results in a competitive environment, especially one where the margin of error is small or there are time constraints.   This is a common stream of thinking, in high-performance fields as well as everyday perception. We have all seen Gordon Ramsay screaming at his staff when things go wrong at a Michelin starred restaurant. We have seen Serena Williams erupt into a bullying frenzy when she lost. We all know of stern bosses who have no problem in confronting and resolving problems, even if requires a considerable amount of screaming.   But the question is, is that how one is supposed to feel in a high-performance situation? Is there a correct ‘feeling to feel’ in a high-performance situation?   Well, as is usually the cas...

  I was about to buy this book that I came across, Atomic Habits: An Easy And Proven Way To Build Good Habits And Break Bad Ones By :  James Clear The title of the book if obviously catchy and I was about to buy it, HOWEVER, I went through a few Amazon reviews and found out that this book is probably one of those 'filler books', with an ounce of knowledge spread exhaustively across approx 2-300 pages. The idea of 'Atomic Habits', is simply what every Behavioural therapist or CBT practitioner already knows. Taking baby steps towards a particular goal. The idea is that a) sometimes that's all it takes b) its a precursor to a bigger change which itself can seem challenging. Now the idea of taking baby steps is nothing new, and there are many variations on the idea as well. Some emphasize the frequency of practice eg a daily practice if one if a singer to practice that increases in intensity in order to create a new lasting habit. Then there is the idea of 'derailin...

While going through a wonderful book written by H.E Stanton about the psychology of trading, I came across a simple concept. Dr H.E Stanton himself has had considerable experience as a performance coach and is a clinical psychologist himself. In short, he knows how to apply theory to practice, something that I am very interested in. In one of the chapters, Dr Stanton goes on to discuss the psychology of change, and rather than going full-on theoretical, he discusses a very simple to understand, practical, and from the viewpoint of an academic, unconventional idea. He discusses the model of change as described by Tony Robbins. His choice to use Tony Robbin's ideas, someone who has no academic background of psychology is intriguing. It speaks to Dr. Stanton's pragmatism if anything. The model is simple a) decide what you want b) identify what is stopping you c) associate pain to not changing and pleasure to enable change, d) interrupt the existing pattern e) create a ...

Introduction Influencing the general public is a hotly debated topic in the policy. In any form of government reforms and agendas have to be 'sold' to the public. The government has traditionally been done through information dissemination through the media and done so quite effectively. An example can be of course selling wars or military interventions to the public. When the intent, however, is misinformation on a large scale, it becomes 'propaganda'. Despite its negative connotations, it is surely been present in democracies, as much as in dictatorships. A few years ago we have seen a move towards 'Nudging' individuals also called the Nudge Theory. This was popularized by Book by Cass Sunstein and Richard Thaler in their book ' Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness '. An example of this could be the wording on a referendum to discourage a certain outcome or perhaps limiting choices for the consumers on the type o...

This is part 2 of the Freedom series. Find part 1  here It is interesting how we often make decisions. Not only everyday decisions, such as what to wear or what to eat but even big life decisions. We analyze, study the pros and cons, do a cost-benefit analysis. Some take a long time to make important decisions, others intuitively move forward. During all of these decisions, we often believe that we are in charge of what we decide. After all, we have options, we have choices, what can be more freeing than making your decision? The problem is what we make those choices based on. There can be a number of factors dictating that. Long term plan, upbringing, values, and beliefs. However, in all of the cognitive and behavioral conditioning that might be obvious to us, we often forget the social aspect. I am not talking about social conditioning where we learn beliefs like religion and family values, but the fear of not fitting in. What will they say? What will they think? Th...

We daily encounter situations which are uncomfortable. It can be talking to a boss, going into a meeting and for some even getting up to take a walk. Whatever the case, anxiety provoking events are common and everywhere. For severe cases of anxiety or panic, which may be due to some form of trauma or even a deeper mental health issue, I would recommend seeing a professional, however for everyday life, there are many techniques that one can use and one of them is 'nudging' We we need it: Many situations in life make us question ourselves i.e our self concept as well as our abilities. Going into a meeting a young graduate may think that they dont belong there or they cannot contribute enough. Similarly a new CEO may wonder if they have what it takes or even if they are meant to run a company. Such self doubt is common and is often accompanied by even questioning ones role or position in particular situation. However often these are situations one can either not avoid, or p...

                                               Magic The legend of the magic lamp was very famous around the Baghdad bazaar. Tribesmen, tradesmen, women and children, everyone has heard about the magic lamp buried somewhere in  the desert. Anyone who possessed the magic lamp, would be able to command the genie to do anything they wanted.  It was rumored that the magnificent palace of Baghdad was built by the genie of the lamp when the Sultan possessed the lamp. The lamp was lost by the Sultan during a battle in Mosul. He searched for it for a 100 days and nights and returned empty handed from that battle. It is believed that the lamp is still buried somewhere in that desert.Many had tried to search for it themselves, wasting away time, money and energy, but never found it. Ali Shah was just another boy. He used to hawk oil lamps in the Baghdad ...

Wish they were different Don't we just wish we could change some of the people around us. We wish for all sorts of things to happen. We wish our kid starts acting like a grown up, or our teacher treats us with a bit less harshness, or that neighbor we thought of saying hello to but looks so mean. Whatever the case, be it your friends, your boss or family, we would certainly like to change one thing or the other. However there is one, smart tool to get the change you want in the people around you. Start treating them as if they were already as you want! Another path to change You see, you do not have to wish for someone to change, you can actually make it happen. Now this does not mean that I am claiming this tool to be the 'end all be all' method of getting the girl of your dreams or tackling your problem teenage, however I think its a clever technique to have in your tool kit or skill set to use when required. You can start treating a subordinate as if they can h...

Everyone truly knows the path to money, health and wealth. There is no secret to it. People have known how to achieve these things since the dawn of time, yet the reason why so many people are searching for the answer is that they are searching for the 'easy answer'. Everyone is truly out there looking for the shortcut to success, fame, wealth, fitness, weight goals, achievements etc. There truly are people who  get lucky and there truly are ways that can get you to your goals quicker, however the underlying principle is hard work, patience and a general positive attitude. We have convinced ourselves that there is a short cut and it is somewhere out there. We look for that short cut all our lives, waste years and years looking for it until others, who go through the pain, the hard work and at the same time, have fun, seem to get all the rewards, slowly but surely, beating us to the goal post, over and over again. Let us look into different areas of life separately and see...

Some times it does get hard to convince oneself of the reality. It gets hard to keep our negative self talk under control or perhaps the loss is so great or the event so emotional, that it makes us question our long held positive beliefs. These are times when people end up at therapy, or get depressed. However there are other ways to manage the most difficult phases in life. As you know, I do not like to give a 'one size fits all solution' to a problem and encourage us to know how to effectively 'convince ourselves' of positive reality, to give ourselves helpful thoughts, in anyway possible, so we can deal with a situation. What I mention below however is not a technique but the most fundamental way of being happy. The best way to remain happy, or to remain positive after a failure, or to remind yourself that your life is still full of love, is to ensure that you have great and loving friends and family around you.  This is the most powerful resource we have as hu...

Overwhelmed! Convincing yourself to stay strong and positive through self talk, visualization etc is all great, but there are times in life we get overwhelmed. A surprise all nigher, a failure, a natural disaster, a death of a relative, even yourself getting hurt, are all realistic scenarios that can overwhelm us and leave us defenseless. Even though we may have remained strong, through eg a daily practice of praying to God, or self talk in general, it is these tough times when we have to be strong. So what to do? what to do when we feel nothing works? Despite our work with the therapists, or reading great self help books, and even taking assertion training, what to do when nothing seems to work!!!!? What to do? Once again, it varies from person to person, and I believe we sometimes cannot use the same tool again and again. However below are some of my suggestions. 1-Don't do anything! Sometimes one is overwhelmed with stress, work or the immediate need of the situation tha...

There are so many times in our lives when someone heckles us, harasses us, cheats us, or trumps all over us. They backbite, scheme, shame us or do any other thing to make us feel like absolutely nothing. The perpetrator is clearly wrong and needs to be taught a lesson but we meek out. Very often its because we are 'nice people', or we do not want to create a scene, and simply do not want any big 'issues' in life. It may be because we do not want to ridicule someone or, very importantly, we don't want others to think bad about us and ruin a relationship Why do we think like that? It may always not be sign of weakness, but very often it can be.  It got me wondering when I had a similar issue recently and I had to convince myself that I could get through this difficult feeling of helplessness. It was a time when I myself had a difficult time even talking to the person who had wronged me After a lot of thinking and finally a self hypnosis session I realized 'I...

I started this blog to convey my thoughts on getting through the struggle of everyday life, the challenges, opportunities and the threats that it throws at us. The life becomes simple, yet not easy, when one understands a basic truth ie we must live life, the way it is, good or bad, and deal with it. We can always pursue a better life, more money and try to improve our current conditions, but we can simply not say that 'we do not want life'. We simply cannot 'deny that we have a problem', we simply cannot look the other way when we are afraid to make a leap. Life is life, and things happen and we have to learn to be able to deal with the good, the bad and everything in between. As we go on this journey together, I will document my thoughts on how to go through the emotional, psychical, psychological and spiritual issues that everyone faces. I do not follow a self help program or a new age thought philosophy that I want others to believe in. I also do not believe ...