Convincing Ourselves

It is well understood in psychology that our beliefs, especially those formed in childhood can have a great impact on our behaviour and choices later on in life. Even though Cognitive Behavioral Therapist may not deal with issues from the past, and in certain cases you may not need to, it is well acknowledged that it does occur in traditional psychotherapy as well as literature. With my experience with individuals, I have also come across individuals who are struggling with certain behaviors and choices presently, that stem from beliefs and experiences in early life. Below I will give a fictional account of what that may look like in order to help readers understand how such beliefs can be formed, and how they may be invisible to the individual themselves. Fictional Account: Laura, 35, is a middle manager at a local chain of retail stores. She comes from an upper-middle-class background, and both her parents were immigrants and doctors. Laura had two more siblings. A...

The idea of having healthy levels of self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence is well recognized in psychology literature. In fact, since at least the 70s there has been a lot of work done on this and for a few decades raising self-esteem and self-worth was considered pivotal in treating clients with psychological disorders, bringing up healthy children, and even success in general. The idea of 'ego strengthening', as it came to be known in hypnosis literature, was ubiquitous in almost all kinds of therapy and change. However, while going through some videos of Jordan Peterson discussing the idea of social hierarchies and going through some literature on related ideas, I begun to wonder if ego strengthening alone is enough, or perhaps have we defined it well enough. Success in a society means being on top of the social hierarchy. You are the CEO, the Politician, or were born in or married into money and power. Whatever shame or form it takes, success is being on to...

Stress and Anxiety can put us in the extreme state of ‘fight or flight’ which prepares our body for short bursts of high intensity. However, the body undergoes considerable stress and therefore requires a counter state to balance and heal the body and the mind.   According to the book ‘Relaxation Response’ by the Harvard physician Herbert Benson, we can help our body relax and take it into a ‘rest and digest’ state. This helps the body and the mind manage stress. This essentially is the principal of most forms of meditation as well as prayer. One of the simplest ways to initiate a ‘Relaxation Response’ is simply to focus on one's breath for a prolonged period of time. As the mind wanders, one brings it back. For me, I can categorically feel when my body’s relaxation response is triggered. Regularly triggering a relaxation response can help overcome most of the scars caused by day to day stress and therefore help us become happier and more productive. Umair Usman ...

Mujeeb was a pottery student in the ancient city of Multan back in ancient times, in one of the earliest known settlements in the world. Growing up in one the great pottery making towns of antiquity, Mujeed had always been fascinated by the crafts. The colours, the intricate designs and the tradition of pottery, had all put a huge impression on him since he was a kid. He was taken under apprenticeship by his Uncle, Ustad Mali, one of the most renowned pottery craftsman of the age, at the very young age of 12. Slowly but surely Mujeeb perfected his skills. He started from learning about the material, ie the earth, water, hay and slowly went up to craft a potting and later on even painting. By the time Mujeeb was 20 years old, he was one of the brightest pottery apprentices in Ustad Malis shop. Mujeeb showed great promise and it was understood that he would grow up to be a master himself. However, Mujeeb wanted more. Mujeeb did not want to be just another pottery craftsman, he wanted...

Perfectionism is great, but when it becomes an obsession it can ruin your life.I have an obsessive personality and I get phases of perfectionism that transform into something similar to OCD and they ruin me. I burn out while studying, I burn out while exercising, hell I even burn out at work. Perfection is bad but there is more to it than just that. The Good kind: Perfectionism, the need to be perfect, the need to be better every time, the need to out do oneself is great. Its the engine of human and societal growth. This passion to be better and be right and grow, has taken the world from the stone ages to today. It is this perfectionism that has provided passion to artists, scientists, businessmen to do great things. It is this perfectionism that has made a mother great at parenting or a coach help their student. Perfectionism in and of itself is definitely great! The Bad kind: However perfectionism, the need to be perfect, every single time, to be better than before, to push ...