Convincing Ourselves

Mantras, incantations, prayer or affirmations, repeated over and over again have been used in the east since eternity and are still in practice today. Having seen them being used first hand, I wondered if they were really useful or not. Mantras and Psychological interventions: Before we talk about Mantras in a negative manner it is important to note their similarity to other interventions in psychology, the most obvious of which are affirmations and therapeutic statements. Affirmations are a common self help technique taught to clients undergoing not only therapy but also life coaching. Affirmations aim to disrupt habitual thinking and instill a new, more productive thought. Although affirmations can be more tailored to a particular need, than an affirmation, the principles of repetition are fairly consistent. There is also another difference as a Mantra may not be legible even to the person saying it as it may be in another language, while affirmations are generally in the p

The aim of my blog is to be able to give tools and ideas from psychology that anyone can incorporate in their daily lives to make them better. Knowing the tools is not enough and it is important that you are able to use what you learn here. Luckily, there is nothing as easy to understand and easy to apply, as the power of relationships. We all know that good old friends and loving families make us feel good and keep us grounded. What is even more interesting is how this reality of us being 'social beings' is also a strong point in therapeutic settings. Not only is the idea of having relationships intuitively sound, it is also scientifically sound and clinically important. Therapists know it: All therapists know the importance of relationships. It is commonly understood that a huge part of therapy and their positive effects come through the relationships themselves. The very fact that one is able to talk to a person, or group, openly, without being judged, is a very

Before reading the passage below, please take three long, calm, deep breaths. Read the passage below, calmly and slowly. Once you have taken your time to read through the passage, it will leave you with a feeling of stillness and beauty. Anna loved to go outside and talk long walks when she was bored or wanted to relax. She lived among the hilly plains of lush green Irish country side, so nature was her best friend. On this beautiful sunny day, she stepped out of her old wooden, but cozy cottage and started walking along the road towards the river banks. The old road towards the river banks was surrounded by lush green land and a clear blue sky. Today, it looked particularly breathtaking as Anna could see as far as her sight. The air was crisp and clear, and everything around her was green. There was a slight breeze in the air and the grass around her would sway every now and then. The air was cool,  sun was warm, and the sky was blue creating a perfect day to take a walk. Anna w

After Happiness, there is Sadness Life is not always a party. It rains, clouds over over the sky and from time to time storms come and pass by. No one is immune from the rhythm of life and it is not something anyone can escape. No matter where you live, how much money you have or what you have become, problems will come and go. After happiness, comes sadness and that is how life is and the one who denies it, is the one who is unhappy. The problem It is imperative that we convince ourselves about this reality. Once we are convinced that this is how normal life flows, we can be prepared with tools, techniques and resources in order to cope with and deal with any problem or challenge life throws at us. We can have a close friend to fall back on after a bad day, or have savings in the bank for a rainy day or perhaps learn to let it go when we have a confrontation with someone.  Whatever the case only if we convince ourselves that life will keep throwing problems at us,

I have written about failure before but it is not something discussed so often these days. Literature and gurus are out there to preach the path to success and how it is inevitable, when in reality the fact of the matter is that every now and then failure will come looking for you. Successful people are not those that never fail, they are the ones who keep going despite failing. When one fails, it is hard to get an objective look at the situation however one of the best ways that I have found of being able to convince myself that failure is only a part of life is by looking at other successful people are recognizing how many failure they have been through themselves. Keep in mind who failed Steve Jobs : The greatest example in modern times may very well be Steve Jobs. The once upon a time young heartthrob of silicon valley who was thrown out of his company. More than a decade later he came back and implemented the biggest corporate turnaround in history. His story, if anyone has

The Mind Game of Health Is losing weight and/or being healthy really that difficult? Well, everyone knows how to lose weight or/and be healthy, its not rocket science, yet very few it seems tend to reach their goals. Here,  I will discuss here the mindset that is required to be healthy and/or lose weight. Remind yourself why  It is important that you remind yourself all the time why it is important to be healthy. Whenever you have low motivation, or whenever you might be having doubts, remind yourself why its important to be healthy, be strong, have good mood, and be around for the people you love. Remind yourself how the benefits of health go beyond just cosmetics, and can actually help you achieve all your dreams! The benefits in terms of energy,  positivism and the learning one can experience from the health journey itself, will make you a much stronger person. All this will ensure you keep health a priority. Convince yourself that its possible Most people have serious dou

The Scam: Ah, law of attraction and other similar self help scams. So common now on the internet and the self help section of any book store. They have tonnes of money by playing on people's emotions. Tell people its easy and they will buy it! This is the same trick used by fitness product promoters and TV commercials and it has worked well for decades. As soon as you find out that this is not the 'answer to everything', you start seeking the next 'quick or easy fix''. Its a dirty trick and plays on our search for easy answers, the magic pills, and the easy answers. They say losing weight is as easy as a few minutes on this machine, or getting rich is as easy as visualizing, and before you know it, you have giving out your cash and realized soon enough that this is not the answer you were looking for. So what gives? is this all fake? is law of attraction or the self help motivational books nothing but a waster of time? Yes and No: There is a lot o

Mujeeb was a pottery student in the ancient city of Multan back in ancient times, in one of the earliest known settlements in the world. Growing up in one the great pottery making towns of antiquity, Mujeed had always been fascinated by the crafts. The colours, the intricate designs and the tradition of pottery, had all put a huge impression on him since he was a kid. He was taken under apprenticeship by his Uncle, Ustad Mali, one of the most renowned pottery craftsman of the age, at the very young age of 12. Slowly but surely Mujeeb perfected his skills. He started from learning about the material, ie the earth, water, hay and slowly went up to craft a potting and later on even painting. By the time Mujeeb was 20 years old, he was one of the brightest pottery apprentices in Ustad Malis shop. Mujeeb showed great promise and it was understood that he would grow up to be a master himself. However, Mujeeb wanted more. Mujeeb did not want to be just another pottery craftsman, he wanted

Having followed Dr Philip Zimbardo since sometime, I was thrilled to know that Rosemary Sword had come up with a therapy based on the "Time perspective", how individuals relate to time and how that relates pure perspective on everything from past events, to future hopes and present behavior. Following on from their work, Rosemary Sword and her team went to create meditation apps. I had been talking to Rosemary after the app was launched on iOS and I was lucky enough to buy the Aetas 2 minute meditation app as soon as it came out on the playstore on android phones. After having tried several meditation and hypnosis tracks and apps, I was excited to see what Aetas 2 was going to be like. What is it?  The purpose of the app is to provide a small, handy, 2 minute meditation tool that one can use anywhere, anytime. 2 minute meditations are well known and understood, however very few apps, or tracks exist for individuals to use these meditations through out the day.  Aetas

All day, everyday, we face negative feelings coming from work, family, friends, chores and what not. We go around hoping from one problem to the other, getting through one deadline to the next. As strong as we may be, no one is totally immune to work, stress and anxiety. Either its too much work, or too little work, or things not working out, whatever the case there is always something out there to turn our mood sour. There is no way around the daily grind, we cannot run away from it and in fact, we all may even need it. However there surely are ways one can manage their mood. Friend/Family First Aid Reminder: All mental health and many alternative medicine techniques, including meditation, are usually about convincing yourself of a new belief. Some use a therapist, some use meditation apps, some use affirmations, however a great technique would be for friends/family to send reminders to each other. These are not generic social media feel good messages that we  send to all our

Everyone grows up admiring someone. We may admire our father. He seems strong and powerful yet loving. We may admire our teachers in school, who seem to know the answer to everything, we may even admire a cartoon character that we can relate to. Whatever the case, we all admire people and often aspire to be like them. Even though many believe that having role models means we may be 'fan boyish', 'unoriginal' or 'hero worshiping', I believe role models have a huge role to play in helping us becoming our potential and for many having a role model can be life changing. Showing Purpose: One way in which role models can help us is by showing us a purpose in life. As a young kid myself, I was very much inspired by Edison and wanted to be an inventor myself. This never  materialized ofcourse but it set me on to a path where I was curious to discover new things and without a doubt made up who I am today. Even though I did not know Edison, whatever I read about hi

Perfectionism is great, but when it becomes an obsession it can ruin your life.I have an obsessive personality and I get phases of perfectionism that transform into something similar to OCD and they ruin me. I burn out while studying, I burn out while exercising, hell I even burn out at work. Perfection is bad but there is more to it than just that. The Good kind: Perfectionism, the need to be perfect, the need to be better every time, the need to out do oneself is great. Its the engine of human and societal growth. This passion to be better and be right and grow, has taken the world from the stone ages to today. It is this perfectionism that has provided passion to artists, scientists, businessmen to do great things. It is this perfectionism that has made a mother great at parenting or a coach help their student. Perfectionism in and of itself is definitely great! The Bad kind: However perfectionism, the need to be perfect, every single time, to be better than before, to push

The Beautiful Journey Jin and Lui were the fiercest fighters at Master Yang's dojo. They had trained at this dojo in a secluded mountain peak since they were both 6 years of age. Being good at Kung Fu had been their sole purpose in life. Now, 20, they both helped glorify the name of Master Yang and his dojo in all the land. However, even though they both were great, there could only ever be one 'Dragon' in all of China, either Jin or Lui. The competition to become the 'Dragon' was the biggest competition in all of China, held once every 25 years, so every generation has one Dragon. Jin and Lui had been practicing for this their whole life. They had sweated and bled together, went through sleepless nights, broken bones, insults and defeats to be able to enter this competition. All the pain had to pay off now, they both thought. In the supervision of Master Yang, Jin and Lui went from one level of the competition to the next. Training continuously, perf

                                               Magic The legend of the magic lamp was very famous around the Baghdad bazaar. Tribesmen, tradesmen, women and children, everyone has heard about the magic lamp buried somewhere in  the desert. Anyone who possessed the magic lamp, would be able to command the genie to do anything they wanted.  It was rumored that the magnificent palace of Baghdad was built by the genie of the lamp when the Sultan possessed the lamp. The lamp was lost by the Sultan during a battle in Mosul. He searched for it for a 100 days and nights and returned empty handed from that battle. It is believed that the lamp is still buried somewhere in that desert.Many had tried to search for it themselves, wasting away time, money and energy, but never found it. Ali Shah was just another boy. He used to hawk oil lamps in the Baghdad bazaar and dreamed of one day becoming a rich man, even the Sultan. He too had heard about the magic lamp since he was a child. A

There is no magic formula to success. We need to work harder and smarter and then there is luck/chance/right place right time. We can not do much about luck but we can surely work on everything else. There are many people who want to be successful in a certain field, but for some reason cant get themselves to be the best. What can we do? Well, as always I believe it is all about convincing ourselves of various truths and realities that we usually ignore. Step 1-Know what you want The first step to being good at something is to know convince yourself that this is something you want to be good at. I once wanted to do a PhD, but my proposal was never accepted. After getting rejected several times I realized that as much as I wanted to be 'known' as a good academic, it is not something that I really wanted to do. I believe I might not have even finished my PhD as I probably would have gotten depressed in between.  To be good at something, we need to give a lot of effor

I believe in the power of convincing yourself that you can do anything. This alone is the most fundamental belief, the most powerful idea, anyone can have for themselves. It is not about succeeding, as success has luck/chance as a component, but the fact that you will try your very best. No where can this rule be applied more than in Public Speaking. Background One of the first times I was to give a presentation I went on to youtube and watched a business guru speak. He was so active on stage, so smooth and so confident. His attitude showed that he was 'damn sure' that everything he said was true. His confidence was idiotically high and inspiring. Of course, his advice was highly regarded and was truly valuable, but he also knew how to 'sell' that advice. It was brilliant. I watched his videos again and again for a week, practicing my presentation on his behaviour. I emulated him totally. When it came to giving the presentation I was very nervous. Once the present

Living in the moment All of the new age movement seems to be about living in the moment. Be it mindfulness, meditation, deep breathing, everyone tells us the benefits of experiencing the full moment and living in the now. By having our attention directed to what we are doing at the moment, we can fully experience and react to what is happening now. With focus, we are able to deal with threats and opportunities more effectively, be more productive and enjoy ourselves fuller. By accepting a negative feeling, a failure, a mistake, we can move on quicker. Overall living in the moment makes us healthy. Sure. However..... there are surely times when distraction can help. Moments of Distraction Hypnotherapists understand the power of distraction very well. It is not the fact that we live in the moment that gives us mastery over our sense, it is the ability to direct our attention when and where we need it most. Following are examples of situations where distractions help us out.

Confused Confused, indecisive, procrastinate? Sometimes we just cant make sense of things and because we cant make sense of things we don't take action. Of course, nothing is more important than action but when life overwhelms us with choices, information, chores, sometimes it becomes difficult to look past the immediate and take a birds eye view of the grand perspective. There are many such instances where we can simply not think right, ranging from small everyday things, starnge annoyances, all the way to big life decisions eg 1-Buying a new smart phone? --we can be confused about specs, pricing, plans etc 2-Eating out, where to go?-- what to eat, why to go there? 3-Do my classmates hate me? --why do they laugh at me? why do I have so few friends? 3-Which university to go to? --what will it cost, what will be the return, how far will it be from home? etc etc etc Once we convince ourselves that there is a path forward, we can break through all the clutter and cle

I believe everyone should read this simple and short blog post of mine before they start university. I am not intending to give 'self help' and 'personal growth' advice over here. There are millions of books and webpages out there. All I want you to do is to look into yourself and hear what you say. That is it. Hear what you say to yourself. Do you tell yourself you will be the next Steve Jobs? do you tell yourself that you will be the best athlete at the school? or do you tell yourself you will out do everyone in the class? whatever it is, good luck and I hope you achieve it but remember that you know exactly how to achieve it. There are no short cuts in life and if you are smart enough to be going to university, you already know this. However like anyone, you may need a reminder. You know how much you have to give to reach your goals, you know who to talk to, you know what is to be done. Do not just dream, follow your inner wise person and do it. You ar

Well, I am not going to give a solution as to what to do when you are confused and afraid. The idea of writing this blog was not to explain solutions to problem but to show how solutions usually reside within us already. It is we who cannot get out of our internal struggle and make things happen, even when we know the solutions already. We set block up to our growth by imagining an easier, better or simpler solution. By waiting for a magical event or someone out there to help us. If that does not happen, many of us just do into depression and feel victimized. There is nothing worse than feeling victimized. Warriors cannot be victims. We are all warriors after all. How you may ask? well, we may be confused about a future work plan or confused about simple things eg what to eat? or which university to join? All complex decisions [and as frustrating as these moments are], we can always get over these and make a decision. We cannot predict the right outcome, obviously, but we can

Let us get fit!!! Everyone wants to get fit nowadays. If they are thin, they want to bulk up. If they are fat, they want to slim down. Whatever the issue, no one is really happy with their body. Now I can take the very common 'New Age' concept and say that we should be happy with our body, however sometimes changing our bodies become necessary.I myself was obese and suffered greatly. Many in families had to get heart surgery, because of their lifestyle choices, which included bad eating habits and obesity. However, even when we know that something is bad for us and can actually kill us, we might not change our habits. This is true. Even when smokers known that smoking causes cancer, they know that is long way of and they go for the immediate pleasure and discount the risk. What to do? What to do when you feel you really cannot do anything? your will, your idea of time/delay of pain and pleasure, simply do not let you get through that barrier. The Solution I believe

Wish they were different Don't we just wish we could change some of the people around us. We wish for all sorts of things to happen. We wish our kid starts acting like a grown up, or our teacher treats us with a bit less harshness, or that neighbor we thought of saying hello to but looks so mean. Whatever the case, be it your friends, your boss or family, we would certainly like to change one thing or the other. However there is one, smart tool to get the change you want in the people around you. Start treating them as if they were already as you want! Another path to change You see, you do not have to wish for someone to change, you can actually make it happen. Now this does not mean that I am claiming this tool to be the 'end all be all' method of getting the girl of your dreams or tackling your problem teenage, however I think its a clever technique to have in your tool kit or skill set to use when required. You can start treating a subordinate as if they can h

One of the most prominent problems in society today is that we feel we need more. If you are a businessman, you need to grow the business. If you are an athlete, you need to win the biggest prize, if you are a student, you have to be the best. This is a result of the hyper-competitive, individualistic, achievement oriented civilization that we have become. There is nothing wrong with that in itself.  The system has given us great athletes, scientific breakthroughs, wonderful companies that have gone on to make our lives better, medication that has saved lives and world leaders that aspire to work for the greater good. However it has also created a society that is forever looking for the next big thing. The next technique, the next product, the next investment, the next goal, the next prize. For sure this is what human beings and the growth mindset is, but does it really make us happy? To be happy, we need to convince ourselves that we are great, lovable and worth individua