Convincing Ourselves

Ray Dalio is the founder of Bridgewater Associates, the largest hedge fund in the world. His work in the investment arena has changed the landscape of the industry. He is so confident in his firm's ability to generate returns that he now gives life lessons and principles on how to manage a fund, investments, and life. He is so confident that no one can replicate his success that he has made the basic principles of his flagship fund public. Ray Dalio is now a sort of grandfatherly figure, considering he has been in the investment industry for over 30 years now. His advice, his comments, about macroeconomics (his forte), and various asset classes in a particular, matter. Basically, when he speaks, the press listens. Therefore it was quite peculiar when a few years ago he revealed that he has been practicing Transcendental Meditation for decades! When, Why, How? Apparently, Ray Dalio picked up this habit when Transcendental Meditation became quite the rage in the US a ...

Stress and Anxiety can put us in the extreme state of ‘fight or flight’ which prepares our body for short bursts of high intensity. However, the body undergoes considerable stress and therefore requires a counter state to balance and heal the body and the mind.   According to the book ‘Relaxation Response’ by the Harvard physician Herbert Benson, we can help our body relax and take it into a ‘rest and digest’ state. This helps the body and the mind manage stress. This essentially is the principal of most forms of meditation as well as prayer. One of the simplest ways to initiate a ‘Relaxation Response’ is simply to focus on one's breath for a prolonged period of time. As the mind wanders, one brings it back. For me, I can categorically feel when my body’s relaxation response is triggered. Regularly triggering a relaxation response can help overcome most of the scars caused by day to day stress and therefore help us become happier and more productive. Umair Usman ...

Wish they were different Don't we just wish we could change some of the people around us. We wish for all sorts of things to happen. We wish our kid starts acting like a grown up, or our teacher treats us with a bit less harshness, or that neighbor we thought of saying hello to but looks so mean. Whatever the case, be it your friends, your boss or family, we would certainly like to change one thing or the other. However there is one, smart tool to get the change you want in the people around you. Start treating them as if they were already as you want! Another path to change You see, you do not have to wish for someone to change, you can actually make it happen. Now this does not mean that I am claiming this tool to be the 'end all be all' method of getting the girl of your dreams or tackling your problem teenage, however I think its a clever technique to have in your tool kit or skill set to use when required. You can start treating a subordinate as if they can h...

One of the most prominent problems in society today is that we feel we need more. If you are a businessman, you need to grow the business. If you are an athlete, you need to win the biggest prize, if you are a student, you have to be the best. This is a result of the hyper-competitive, individualistic, achievement oriented civilization that we have become. There is nothing wrong with that in itself.  The system has given us great athletes, scientific breakthroughs, wonderful companies that have gone on to make our lives better, medication that has saved lives and world leaders that aspire to work for the greater good. However it has also created a society that is forever looking for the next big thing. The next technique, the next product, the next investment, the next goal, the next prize. For sure this is what human beings and the growth mindset is, but does it really make us happy? To be happy, we need to convince ourselves that we are great, lovable and worth indiv...

Why do we enjoy some things and no others? well, there are two reasons. We like to do things that are easy, but not too easy. This depends not only at the task at hand but also to our own ability to do the task. This is why, if we are good at a board game, but its challenging, we get hooked. It is also the same reason why we like to play sports with someone who can challenge us, but is not so much better  than us that we get frustrated. If we are able to convince ourselves that the task at hand is easy, in a challenging sort of way, it will become engaging and to some extent fun as well. We can convince ourselves for this kind of thinking for any task. It can be cleaning the dishes, or even talking a walk. Its fun, because its invigoratingly easy! To repeat, it is not about thinking or hoping that something that is hard becomes automatically easy (if that works for you, good enough) but acknowledging that it is tough, yet fun and challenging. When we say it is ea...

No one wants to talk No one wants to talk to other people these days. Watssapp, yes, text em, yes, go and talk .....uumm..maybe some other time. It is no secret that we all want to be individuals, self reliant, and happy in our own little bubble. But human beings were not meant to be this way. In fact, having a good social circle and relationships around us is one of the fail safe ways of achieving happiness. Everyone knows this intrinsically, but are just afraid of it. Why? Bad moments! In any kind of a relationship, there is the 'good', with the 'bad'. Your best friend may have a fight with you, your loving mom's annoying habit of feeding you cake may drive you mad, or your niece is unbearable when she is nagging to take you to the park, however this is completely normal. The problem is that everyone wants to simply cut out the bad and in doing so simply cut out the person from their life. Not only do they leave out the bad but they leave out the 'good...

One of the reason why many flock to therapists, read self help books or go into depression is because they cannot get what they want or life simply did not turn out as they had hoped. They prayed, meditated, wished, kept a positive attitude, yet nothing materialized. Very often, we expect life to be easy and reflect our own mood. However, every now and then we have to remind ourselves and convince ourselves that life is not meant to be easy. Life is pain, struggle and discomfort, punctuated by moments of happiness and euphoria that make it all worthwhile. Life is about great relationships, with people who matter and yourself. Life is constant discomfort, be it tackling your willpower, going to the gym, having a difficult conversation or realizing a bitter truth. This is life and there is no need to run away. We have to convince ourselves that we have the capacity, strength, resources and the power to deal with life in the best way possible. We all have the ability to go through ...

Everyone truly knows the path to money, health and wealth. There is no secret to it. People have known how to achieve these things since the dawn of time, yet the reason why so many people are searching for the answer is that they are searching for the 'easy answer'. Everyone is truly out there looking for the shortcut to success, fame, wealth, fitness, weight goals, achievements etc. There truly are people who  get lucky and there truly are ways that can get you to your goals quicker, however the underlying principle is hard work, patience and a general positive attitude. We have convinced ourselves that there is a short cut and it is somewhere out there. We look for that short cut all our lives, waste years and years looking for it until others, who go through the pain, the hard work and at the same time, have fun, seem to get all the rewards, slowly but surely, beating us to the goal post, over and over again. Let us look into different areas of life separately and see...

Some times it does get hard to convince oneself of the reality. It gets hard to keep our negative self talk under control or perhaps the loss is so great or the event so emotional, that it makes us question our long held positive beliefs. These are times when people end up at therapy, or get depressed. However there are other ways to manage the most difficult phases in life. As you know, I do not like to give a 'one size fits all solution' to a problem and encourage us to know how to effectively 'convince ourselves' of positive reality, to give ourselves helpful thoughts, in anyway possible, so we can deal with a situation. What I mention below however is not a technique but the most fundamental way of being happy. The best way to remain happy, or to remain positive after a failure, or to remind yourself that your life is still full of love, is to ensure that you have great and loving friends and family around you.  This is the most powerful resource we have as hu...

Overwhelmed! Convincing yourself to stay strong and positive through self talk, visualization etc is all great, but there are times in life we get overwhelmed. A surprise all nigher, a failure, a natural disaster, a death of a relative, even yourself getting hurt, are all realistic scenarios that can overwhelm us and leave us defenseless. Even though we may have remained strong, through eg a daily practice of praying to God, or self talk in general, it is these tough times when we have to be strong. So what to do? what to do when we feel nothing works? Despite our work with the therapists, or reading great self help books, and even taking assertion training, what to do when nothing seems to work!!!!? What to do? Once again, it varies from person to person, and I believe we sometimes cannot use the same tool again and again. However below are some of my suggestions. 1-Don't do anything! Sometimes one is overwhelmed with stress, work or the immediate need of the situation tha...

There are so many times in our lives when someone heckles us, harasses us, cheats us, or trumps all over us. They backbite, scheme, shame us or do any other thing to make us feel like absolutely nothing. The perpetrator is clearly wrong and needs to be taught a lesson but we meek out. Very often its because we are 'nice people', or we do not want to create a scene, and simply do not want any big 'issues' in life. It may be because we do not want to ridicule someone or, very importantly, we don't want others to think bad about us and ruin a relationship Why do we think like that? It may always not be sign of weakness, but very often it can be.  It got me wondering when I had a similar issue recently and I had to convince myself that I could get through this difficult feeling of helplessness. It was a time when I myself had a difficult time even talking to the person who had wronged me After a lot of thinking and finally a self hypnosis session I realized 'I...