Why relationships matter: The Therapists secret

The aim of my blog is to be able to give tools and ideas from psychology that anyone can incorporate in their daily lives to make them better. Knowing the tools is not enough and it is important that you are able to use what you learn here. Luckily, there is nothing as easy to understand and easy to apply, as the power of relationships.

We all know that good old friends and loving families make us feel good and keep us grounded. What is even more interesting is how this reality of us being 'social beings' is also a strong point in therapeutic settings. Not only is the idea of having relationships intuitively sound, it is also scientifically sound and clinically important.

Therapists know it:

All therapists know the importance of relationships. It is commonly understood that a huge part of therapy and their positive effects come through the relationships themselves. The very fact that one is able to talk to a person, or group, openly, without being judged, is a very effective outlet to change. 

An environment and a relationship where we feel heard and understood is a basic requisite before one can start making changes, deal with problems or simply get past small setbacks in life. This is why therapists are taught the importance of developing a good working relationship with the client early on as one needs to be able to feel comfortable with the person we are to share our intimate thoughts and feelings with. Someone we can talk to about our problems, issues, secrets. This is why intuitively we want to talk to a friend or the spouse about our bad day, an old memory, or a future aspiration. We want to be heard and listen to. 

Empathetic, Genuine, Positive and non Judgmental:

All these qualities, and more, are necessary in a good relationship, not just with a therapist, but with anyone. When we feel that the person is empathetic, we feel comforted and cared for. A genuine relationship is necessary if we are to open up to someone. Only when we truly believe that the person cares will we ever share everything and feel good in the process. A Positive relationship is necessary as well. It does not mean that we 'share wishful thoughts' all the time, but that one deals with issues and problems knowing that there is a way forward, that something can be done, that we can get through this. Last (but of course not least) a non judgmental relationship needs to be established. Often we are not able to open up, share problems, issues, ideas, because we feel we will be judged. In an environment here we are not judged, we can truly be ourselves, a great comfort in itself.  

Be and Give:

In our daily lives, it would be great to foster such relationship. When we have someone empathetic in our lives, who genuinely cares about us and can listen to our problems, issues, without judging.

To be truly empathetic to a friend, to genuinely listen and care for someones problems, to simply listen to someone without judging them. These qualities may seem too basic to even mention but how many people around us actually feel that we have these qualities? we have to show these, develop these and also reap their benefits.This does not mean we change our personality over night, but at least we can try, whenever it is possible. 

Conclusion:

Genuine and caring relationships make us human and therefore they are as necessary in the therapists office as they are in real life. It may not be easy to find a perfect listener, a caring friend and it may not always be easy for us to lend a care and be non judgmental. We are all human after all. But we surely try, to be in good relationships, especially when we need each other. Seek out genuinely good friends, develop nurturing relationships with our children, try to be and try to find, actual, caring relationships that can help us get through good times, and more importantly, the down times.